Recently, I visited a shopping mall to buy some groceries and other personal stuffs. Now, when a woman says ‘Personal Stuffs’, they can mean anything starting from safety pins, bras, panties, to foot files, but to be specific, I wanted sanitary napkins. I had my brows raised with amusement when I figured out the placement of the sanitary napkins; they were placed, very ironically, just beside the shelf displaying condoms. A very nice marketing strategy you see – Use this or you have to use that! On this note, and to dedicate a blog on Menstrual Hygiene Day that is observed on 28th May every year, let’s get started with the discussion on pads, periods, panties, and other ‘P’s in a woman’s life.
As most of you already know, there are stages of menstrual cycle. Similarly, we, the bleeding women, also cross different stages of buying pads from the pharmacy. Initially, it starts with our parents, especially mothers, to buy it for us. Then comes a little more advanced stage when we start going alone or sending our boyfriend to buy it for us. In this stage, we write the name of the required item on a piece of folded paper and quietly hand it over to the pharmacist (who by now have already understood what is needed) , and while he brings it, we try to avoid any sort of eye contact with anyone around. Next comes the stage when we bravely go to the shop but timidly wait till everyone else is gone, then slowly whisper,” Bhaiya, ek whisper XL wings ka large packet dijiye”, quickly stuff the shameful item, wrapped in a newspaper, inside our bags, pay, and rush out of the pharmacy. The last stage comes when we actually stop giving any damn to the world and loudly announce, “Ek Whisper XL Wings ka Large pack”, because we’re already PMS-ing and so what if others know that I am red in between my legs.
Periods, you see ladies, is a wonderful thing. Rather, you should be proud that it comes once every month so that you can stick a highly scientific absorbent pad in your panty. You can actually boast that you stick science in your panty every month, “Aaj main chaddi me science pehen k ghum rai hu”. And mind it, it is not ordinary science. Companies manufacturing this highly absorbent material claim that they can soak an entire waterfall or a swimming pool if you drop one pad in them, so if your body is gushing blood in that quantity, just don’t worry, quickly stick a pad in your panty and off you go jumping and trekking your spotless white pants.
We, women, have come a long way in naming our period days. Starting from shyly saying, “it’s that time of the month”, to “shark days” and “we are chumming”. Now, just to satisfy my curiosity and for your information, I googled the meaning of ‘chum’ and google replied ‘a close friend’. Yes, you read that right. Damn I knew Google is hilarious, but this is epic. I mean hell yeah, a true friend indeed. Who the hell visits every month and stays for at least 3-4 days? None, but our beloved monthly ‘chums’, right?
And, while majority of the female population struggle to welcome this ‘close friend’, or the women in rural India still suffice with a piece of cloth when its ‘that time of the month’, our Government fails to understand that we do not opt for this natural, biological blood-leaking function and imposes GST on sanitary napkins. Some temples have taken this way above their own intellect and put up a notice board restricting menstruating woman inside the premises, else the temple might collapse to rubble due to the apocalypse of our periods. So, the next time you see an elderly women shouting at you for spoiling their pickle, or a priest restricting you, or if you happen to discuss this agenda with a government official, just hand them a sanitary napkin and whisper in their ears, “ab waqt hai badalne ka”.
While we still consider this a taboo and stash our pads in the most remote corners of our cupboards and purses, I must confess how uncomfortable periods are for many women; our ovaries churning out eggs every month causing the pain and geelapan between our legs. And, as I proceed to conclude this topic, I must also confess that I absolutely hate the term ‘menstruation’. Why? Because when it is us, the women, having periods, sticking pads in our panties, enduring the pain, and the world calls it ‘girl problem’, what does ‘men’ have to do in the word ‘menstruation’? So, the next time you see me in a pristine white pant shouting for a Whisper with extra-large wings at any pharmacy, just understand I am proudly ’women-struating’ and have a uterus that will one day play a pivotal role in saving our species from extinction.
Have a happy period, ladies!!
